So after tonight's message about Jesus as the Good Shepherd, and getting the opportunity to reflect on the past couple of messages as well as my life, I realized that in learning more about God's love towards us, I find myself understanding less of what love is. Not that I don't know what love is, for we see that throughout scripture, such as in 1 Corinthians 13, and ultimately in the gospel of Jesus. However, I think there's a difference between knowing what love is and understanding what it is.
By the grace of God, we're blessed by being able to see His love demonstrated in Him sending His son on earth to save us. We are also still blessed to be able to see the love of God through His hand which works through other Christians in how they serve, glorify, and exemplify the God who has first shown them great love and mercy. So in that sense, we "know" and "understand" what love is.
However, there are times where we see exact opposite of what love is, whether it's through the international suffering of people by the hands of other people, or through the cutting words or actions of friends or family members. Our experiences in the latter category is many times define for us what we see "love" as, "love" being something that, in the end, will disappoint us. When we read in Ephesians about husbands loving their wives, just as Christ loved the church, we look at either our own families or the statistics of our society and see how families are broken, whether by divorce, adultery, or disunity within the family. We, ourselves, act in unloving ways towards others, whether through our actions, our speech, or in our hearts. In seeing all of this, we see just how sinful we all are, and just how much we need to look to God to help us love, just as He loved us.
Which brings me back to my original point: God's love. The love that God has for us is so unconditional, sacrificial, intimate, etc, I don't think we can ever comprehend the depth of His never changing, everlasting, caring, perfect love. The love that He has for us as our Daddy, is the same kind of intimate love that He has for us as our Good Shepherd, which is the same love He has for us as our mighty God.
So many times, we fret and run away from the very One who not just knows what's best for us, but LOVES us so much that He wants the best for us. We get so caught up in the disappointments of this world that we forget about the one who never disappoints.
The deeper we learn about what love is, which is through studying and examining the love of God, the more we see how we've only scratched the surface of understanding what the fullness of love is.We are humbled in seeing the love that God has for us, though what we comprehend is only a fraction of the entirety of His love. In understanding more and more of His love, we see the fraction of what we comprehend grow smaller in proportion to how infinite His love is.
So with that, I leave you with another song:
Our God is an awesome God. He reigns from heaven above With wisdom, power, and love Our God is an awesome God
So i'm studying for my two midterms tomorrow, and decide to open the list of songs that i downloaded from Phil Wickham. I must say, as much as I really enjoy listening to bands like the Rolling Stones, and artists such as Jimmy Hendrix, listening to Phil Wickham and other singers singing and praising God through song was/is a blessing. I really like the song "Beautiful", as it talks about seeing the beauty of God through His creation, His power, and His sacrifice. Each verse really touched me. The first two verses reminds me to really appreciate and praise God for things like the sky, the sun, the moon, the stars, and other very much visible of nature that He created. A couple of weeks ago, I was standing underneath the stars and moon for about an hour, just in awe of how amazing they are. Truly, God's creation shows us just what an amazing God we have faith in. The third and forth verse really reminds me of the beauty in the sacrifice of Christ, and what it means to us, believers. In reading Ephesians 3 prior to having the song come up on my playlist, I was reminded of how BEAUTIFUL and amazing it is that we are in Christ, how we are even able to know the love of Christ, and how we are able to be "filled up to all the fullness of God". The forth verse of the song really makes me anticipate even more the day when we arrive in heaven and sing praises to our God. I think in writing all of this, I've realized that despite the existence of words like "beautiful", "amazing", and other powerful words that I can't currently think of due to my lack of eloquence in language, that none of these even START to describe who God is. But that's okay, because it makes me realize that He's so much more than we could ever describe. =)
Beautiful
I see Your face in every sunrise
The colors of the morning are inside Your eyes
The world awakens in the light of the day
I look up to the sky and say
You’re beautiful
I see Your power in the moonlit night
Where planets are in motion and galaxies are bright
We are amazed in the light of the stars
It’s all proclaiming who You are
You’re beautiful, You're beautiful
I see you there hanging on a tree
You bled and then you died and then you rose again for me
Now you are sitting on Your heavenly throne
Soon we will be coming home
You’re beautiful, you're beautiful
When we arrive at eternity’s shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We’ll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we’ll sing
You’re beautiful, You're beautiful, You're beautiful
Don't get me wrong now. I love watching the Olympics. And watching the Olympic opening ceremony at Leon's place on a huge HD TV was absolutely amazing and breath-taking. And going home that night, I shared with a sister about how I could see why there was so much excitement all over China, especially when I was there for the last month. The excitement was almost tangible, from the decorations that were EVERYWHERE, the commercials that were ALWAYS playing, and talking to people. Regardless of whether they were in big cities like Shanghai, or smaller cities like Gao You, almost everyone knew the tune of "Beijing huan ying ni". However, I was reading this blog today about the opening ceremony, and I think it definitely has some legit points. I encourage you all to remember that during this time, even though there is a lot of attention and excitement focused on the Olympics in China, that we wouldn't forget about all the hurt and persecution that is STILL happening, regardless of where the world's attention is.
Last week I caught part of the
opening ceremony of the Olympics, reportedly planned and rehearsed for
5 years, and costing $300 million to stage.
It featured 15,000 Chinese performers. 33,866 fireworks were fired
off – almost as many as our local Indiana County Fair on July 4th. It
was probably the largest and most expensive show ever produced.
Especially cool was the performance of 2000 drummers in playing in
perfect synchronization. Obviously, China wanted to impress.
But China’s government is not impressive.
“They hung me up across an iron gate, then they yanked
open the gate and my whole body lifted until my chest nearly split in
two. I hung like that for four hours.”
This is how Peter Xu Yongze (age 61), describes how he was treated
during one of five jail sentences in China because of his belief in
Christ. Christians are not allowed to evangelize in China, and it’s
against the law to worship in any group or home outside state
sanctioned churches. To do so is to risk fines, imprisonment, torture
and even death.
While he was in prison, one of the jailers told Mr. Xu the only way
to avoid breaking the law would be if he prayed under the covers in bed.
“A believer was praying, so a jailer made other prisoners lift him
up to the ceiling and drop him to the ground many times until he died,”
Mr. Xu said. (BBC News, Nov 9, 2004)
House church leader Zhou Heng, who manages a state registered
bookstore, was arrested on Aug. 31, 2007, for receiving 3 tons of
Bibles that had been donated by South Korean churches and intended for
free distribution to local Christians. The government only allows state
churches to print and distribute a limited number of Bibles yearly. It
is reported that in prison Zhou was beaten severely by both guards and
inmates. He was still in prison as of this past February. (The
Christian Post, Feb.7, 2008)
The Lord who spoke the worlds into existence is not impressed by our
pomp and technology and fireworks. But he is impressed by his people
glorifying him despite persecution by a wicked government. His eyes are
on his precious sheep singing his praises behind closed doors of their
homes or praying under their prison covers.
When you watch the Olympics this week, lift up a prayer for the
persecuted saints in China. Ask Jesus to have mercy on them, fill them
with his joy and give them the grace to persevere. Ask Jesus to bring
his kingdom, the most impressive kingdom of all, to earth.
If you could love me as a wife
And for my wedding gift, your life
Should that be all I’d ever need?
Or is there more I’m looking for
And should I read between the lines
And look for blessings in disguise
To make me handsome, rich, and wise
Is that really what you want?
[Chorus]
‘Cause I am a whore I do confess
But I put you on just like a wedding dress
And I run down the aisle, I run down the aisle
I’m a prodigal with no way home
But I put you on just like a ring of gold
And I run down the aisle
I run down the aisle to you
So could you love this bastard child?
Though I don’t trust you to provide
With one hand in a pot of gold
And with the other in your side
‘Cause I am so easily satisfied
By the call of lovers so less wild
That I would take a little cash
Over your very flesh and blood
Because money cannot buy
A husband’s jealous eye
When you have knowingly deceived his wife
Tonight, upon returning home, I realized something that I was really struck with today, or I guess, for about a week now, is how imperfect we all are. No matter how "holy" someone seem, we're all people who sin , who constantly need the grace of God to help us battle our sinful nature and desires.
Two Fridays ago, I was really convicted by the message at FNF, and one of the verses that the speaker used. He used the verse 1 Timothy 4:12
Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe
I've heard this verse many times in the past, from middle school to high school, from high school to college, but the main thing that would always be emphasized was the beginning of the verse, about not letting people look down on you because of your age. However, when reading this verse that night, I felt really convicted by the last part of the verse: "but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe". In reading this part of the verse, God really showed me how I've failed, and still fail, in all five of these areas, speech, conduct, love, faith, and purity, and how there's so much I need for God to help me grow in. As much as God's been doing AMAZING work in my life, while reflecting upon what goes on in my heart, I know I've failed so many times in honoring God in my actions and in thoughts of my heart. There are many times that I haven't shown myself as an example of Christians in the areas listed in this verse. I definitely felt convicted, and prayed that God would help me in changing my thoughts and actions in these area, and by His grace, He's been helping me struggle to pursue in the growth in these areas.
Tonight, I had a challenging and brutally honest conversation with a sister about sins that we struggle with, one of which was about realizing where we put our worth in. As I came back to my room, I put on this song, and when the line about us being easily satisfied with a bit of cash came on, tears welled up in my eyes, as I was able to easily see how I've been accepting petty cash from "lovers", thinking it's all I'm worth, forgetting what being a child of God has cost and what it means (Galatians 4:6). It's so easy for girls to tell each other to "put your worth in God", but in reality, it's such a huge struggle for people, and i think, especially girls.
Side note: I think that, in general, girls are prone to be more insecure about themselves than guys. It's not because we're dumber than guys, or some how "not-quite-all-there", but because as women, we are more emotional, and a lot of the stuff we go through, we go through in that head and that heart of ours.
Going back to self worth, there are so many distractions from God that we, as women, face on a daily basis such as school, work, the pursuing of future careers, money, affection, the approval of man, and so many times we find ourselves putting our self-worth, and how we see the world viewing us, in the hand of one of the things listed above. If one of those things failed or hurt you, how do you view yourself and your worth? Many times, we feel worthless because of the circumstances we face, we feel, tell us just that. In constantly comparing yourself to other people, in desiring more of something more than you desire God, disappointment and pain are sure to come along. So many times we forget that GOD is our sustenance, and it is by HIS grace that we have our salvation, our lives, our blessings, our ability to fight against sin.
Which brings me back to the beginning of the post...about how we, Christians, are like whores. Yes, the Christian songwriter and I both just said "whore". Get over the initial shock. Actually, don't. Because when thinking about the implications out society has placed on whores and prostitutes, and of the unfaithfulness of Gomer to her loving husband Hosea, you see why the strong language had to be used in this song to describe how we treat God, our loving bridegroom. Because you see how we, though showered with love and blessing by God,
go to the world for its cheap temporary pleasures and satisfaction. James 4:4a says
You Adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God?
The word "friendship" here in the passage is the Greek word that describes a strong emotional attachment, an intimate longing for these things. How many times have we longed for this friendship with the world, abandoning everything that God's given us and promised us in His word to place ourselves in the things of the world.
Now, in seeing how unworthy and how ungrateful I've been in forsaking my trust of the One who's loved me so much as to sending His son to die on the cross for my past, present, and future sins, I truly rejoice in the words of Paul in Romans 7:24-8:4
Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin.
Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. For what the Law could not do, weak as it was through the flesh, God did: sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, so that the requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.
I know this has been a super super long blog (hey, I haven't really blogged in a while. Nina's post doesn't count. That was mostly pictures), but if you actually read through the entire thing, congrats.
I hope through the post we're all able to see how heartbreaking it is for God when we abandon Him to find pleasure in other things. I also hope we can all see just how undeserving we all are of God's grace, seeing that He still blesses us with. Even the very conviction you feel when reading a verse or listening to a message is by the grace of God. Your ability to fight against sin: also by the grace of God. I hope we never forget this, and that we all pursue in truly growing closer and more intimate in our trust, faith, and love for our Heavenly Father.
TODAY IS NINA CHEN'S BIRTHDAY! On this day, a Man Eater was born. Happy Birthday!! You've been such a wonderful, caring, and loving sister. The past year and a half has been SUCH a wonderful blessing from God. He was soooo gracious in bringing such a wonder sister into Suite H20 last year.
It's been so encouraging seeing how God's grown you into such a beautiful, mature, woman, and not just spiritually either. Remember this? This and Jello. And now, BY THE GRACE OF GOD, you're cooking all this awesome stuff and experimenting with recipes. But seriously, you've been such a blessing in my life here at UCSD, from late night talks, to pedicures, to pigging out, and laughing till our sides hurt, you've always been there, open, ready to talk. I pray God would continue to grow and sanctify you in the years to come. I may not be very eloquent with my words, but I'd just like to end this post by, again, thanking God for blessing me, Harvest SD, and UCSD with this wonderful sister. I LOVE YOU NINA CHEN!!
hahaha....here are some random pictures. Just look at how much this girl's grown! *WARNING TO ALL MALES. DO NOT STUMBLE OVER THIS HOT CHICK* From: To: God is good? Amen?
Hao's Deltas:
Summer 2007 :
Fall/Winter 2007-2008
O man....you gotta be more dignified now, now that you're not a teenager anymore. Me? I got a couple more months! Teehee...=D Yeah...I didn't really take that many pictures this year....-__-
